Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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