he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
is it fun? or sober?
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