Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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