I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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