He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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