how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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