I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
