it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
