I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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