oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize