you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
