If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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