the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
