highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
