I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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