Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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