She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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