Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
