Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
