whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
