I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
