he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
