Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
