totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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