I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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