Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
