When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
