I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
