The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
