look no pants
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
