can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
