She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
