How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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