im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
