I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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