and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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