Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
