He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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