Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
