i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dick very happy bro
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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