Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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