In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
