um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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