Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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