I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
