I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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