South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
