u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
