so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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