she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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