He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just invented taco cereal.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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