; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
