6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
