he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
