He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
