My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
