Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
