and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
