I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
