Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize