she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
