I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
