it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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