I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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