Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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